If you haven't noticed, I haven't blogged much recently. I can tell you the reason for that. It's my motivation. It's so off right now, it's unbelievable. I see others who are continuing to lose weight, and here I am, sitting around wishing I had the motivation they did. I have moments to where I'm yelling at myself inside my head telling me I NEED to work out. I NEED to eat better. You're TIRED of being this heavy, again. Its all there, constantly playing inside. Sounds psychotic, right? This past week has been really busy. We're rebuilding our entire front porch, and lately I've been going to bed as early as 8pm. Which I find it hard to do my workouts. On top of that, I overdid it eating McDonald's today. I'm not too proud of that at all. When I got on the scale this morning I weighed in at 237. So as of right now, I've kept off ONE pound since I started Sept. 11th. Wtf is my problem? What hurts even more is that I'm doing my Christmas Dress Challenge as well. Every time I think about it, I get upset because I'm suppose to be losing weight, not gaining it back. Of course, now I feel like a failure and that I won't be able to reach my goal for the Christmas Challenge, or my goal for February. My goal for February is HUGE for me. I don't want to cancel my appointment for our pictures, but I won't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind. That's how low I feel about this whole situation. Its a little after 5pm now, and I still have to eat dinner. I'm going out tonight for dinner with a couple of friends, though. I would love to go in my bedroom and do my Zumba workout when I got home. I love doing Zumba, but when I feel so low and depressed about how I look, I find it even harder for me to workout. I wonder why that is? Shouldn't it be the opposite? I just haven't felt like myself this whole week. Thankfully I've kept myself busy but at times I just can't turn my brain off and I beat myself up mentally.
I found some pictures on my MIL's computer and emailed them to myself. They're when I was 250 lbs [or around that weight] and just different parties we had attended. I HATE looking at myself in such a heavy state. But, I figured I would share them on here in hopes of kicking myself in the ass to get back on the wagon to eating better and working out. Clicking on the image will make them bigger so you can see them better.
This photo is from late 2008. I was right around 245-250 there. My backside. lol
With David's sister Sara. Close to 250 Not sure on date, but in 2009.
New Years 2009-2010. If you go to my older post of my "before" photos of this past New Years 2010-2011, you really see a difference.
David's sister Katie and I at The Pink Breakfast and my bridal shower. December 2008. 250 lbs.
Pink Breakfast 2009. I was roughly 235-240 lbs. The Pink Breakfast is something on my MIL's side of the family that all the ladies get together and do every year. Hence, the pink sweaters. Everything is freakin pink and it's always in December, right around my Birthday [12-11]. This was right after I started losing weight the first time. I had lost close to 15-20 lbs there.
Anyways, I hope seeing these will help me be motivated. Seeing before pics on someone else, actually makes me motivated at times. So I guess I'm going to start searching for some. Feel free to share with me if you'd like. Well, I'm off to get dressed for tonight.
You have to learn not to beat yourself up when you screw up for a day or a few days, pick yourself up and keep going, this isn't a race, this is a journey, this weight and your mentality is not going to change over night, it takes time, you have to commit to yourself the rest of your life to change your ways, commit every week to make 2 changes and stick to them, like I will drink 50 oz of water everyday, I will track my calories everyday, once the week is over and you accomplish your goals set new goals for the next week, I am a competitive person so when I set goals I bust my butt to achieve them, set small goals that are attainable don't do nothing outrageous like I will work out 6 days a week cuz you will fail. Take those pictures of you at your highest weight or even now and when you want to binge or give up look at those and remind yourself of why you are changing your life. My before pictures keep me going to remind myself I will never ever go back there again. We will screw up multiple times, it's how we handle the fall.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry I do that too. I just tell myself at the end of the day that If I go over my calories or skip exercising that I can start over the next day. That's part of the reason that I haven't been reaching goal as fast as I would have hoped. Whenever I want to give up I look up Buddhist quotes from my practice that inspire me to go on. Here is one... "In life when we feel we have reached a limit, that is when the true battle begins. Just when you despair and think it is impossible to go any further, will you become apathetic, or will you say it’s not over and stand up with an unyielding spirit? The battle is decided by this single determination."
ReplyDeleteTry not to stress yourself out so much. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. When i'm having a rough day I listen to calming music and do breathing exercises right before bed and it helps me put everything in perspective. Keep at it girl! You are doing fine :)
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